The Husband and Wife Relationship

God created us for relationships,and marriage is one of these. Marriage is His idea, intending it to be the closest and most sacred human bond.

In our fast-track and pull-apart world, people have defined marriage in various ways- heaven, a lottery, a monopoly, a bargain, a tomb, hell, etc. While defining marriage isn't as easy as one may think, some definitions have become laughing matter. Germans say that marriage is a fever on the reverse-starting out hot and ending up cold. The French, on the other hand, compare the institution to a bird cage. Those outside the cage , they observe, want to get in as quickly as they can. But once inside, they desperately want to dash out!

Yet in spite of all the confusion and disillusionment today, the Christian marriage can be all that God designed it to be. When a couple agree to walk together, they accept each other's beliefs, hopes, and desires. They work through the expectations each brings to the relationship. This is a lifetime process. Indeed it is a great venture into a new kind of experience, involving an extended and complex undertaking of interpersonal adjustment.

Another question arises after defining marriage : What is the difference between a wedding and a marriage? Again, answers vary. I do have a preferred one which compares the wedding to a garage and the marriage to the car in the garage. Just as a garage is put up to protect the car, so does the wedding declare to the public that such a union has the moral and legal boundaries in place. Marriage, like the car, is more important and has more value then the wedding. It has to be cared for so it can retain its beauty and shine for a long time. Unfortunately, many husbands take better care of their cars than their wives!

So marriage-in order to be kept vibrant, exciting, and alive-has to be nurtured and cared for. Strong marriages are built on divergent personalities who use their individuality to build channels of communication, to understand one's partner, and to develop sensitivity and compassion. Those who build their relationship on these qualities find their marital differences turn into marriage reinforcers.

These words from a divinely-inspired pen sum up the seriousness of the conjugal tie:

" To gain a proper understanding of the marriage relation is the work of a lifetime. Those who marry enter a school from which they are never in this life to be graduated. However carefully and wisely marriage may have been entered into , few couples are completely united when the marriage ceremony is performed. The real union of the two in wedlock is the work of the afteryears."*

God Himself established marriage, and only with His help can couples stay together for a full and rewarding lifetime.


*Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home( MD: Review and Herald,1980),pp.105,106.